Gearing up..

0850 am.

I should be rushing around the house in heels straightening things, giving lunch the last finishing touches, thinking of the work I need to finish today.

Instead. Mian is away for the day and  I am in my home-alone pjs trying to make a coherent post of rambling thoughts. The plants are wilting, the house is in disarray, and I am afraid to know what the mess of things I threw into the pressure cooker has turned into. And yes, I had lemon curd and bread for breakfast. Without using a plate or anything to catch the crumbs. In bed. Specifically, in Mian's side of the bed. Where I am still lying in a tangled heap of blankets and cables and from where I don't want to move because I will then have to confront the rest of the day. Work is a little less than inspiring these days. Largely because I need to put on my managerial cap and seek funding, and I have already searched the sources I could think of only to come up empty.

But let's not fool ourselves.

The real reason I am grumpy, of course is that soon I move into the 'single woman' part of my year. Don't get me wrong. I like this setup where both Mian and I try our damnedest to fit as much as possible into each 365-day cycle. I like how we put extra effort and creativity into maintaining a living connection through google, and skype, and bhartiya daak. And I like how this together-apart cycle helps me appreciate both the joys of having a space of my own and of living in a happy bubble with Mian.

But I am so used to him now..

The idea that maybe I actually won't have time to make stuffed brinjal for him is making me grumpy. The realization that I have let a great many full-moons rise and set without having that moonlit picnic I have wanted for nearly a year and now there wont be any more opportunities for the next six months is making me even more grumpy. And when I get grumpy, I sulk and snap. And when I sulk and snap, I regret it. And when I get regretful, I get grumpy..

I think I will just go back to bed now.